Stop the Chattering

My inner voice has always been very important to me.  It's a voice that's always honest, supportive, wise...  It has helped me through dark and lonely times, and cheered me on when no one else in the world could touch me.  Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely give myself up to people for emotional support.  It's rare... I think I can count the number of times that it's happened on one hand.  Those who I turn to are voices that contribute to my inner voice - they pass on wisdom that I absorb so that my inner voice can be stronger and better prepared in the future.

As much as I need my inner voice and it's very much a part of me, I also discovered that it's ceaseless and uncontrollable.  I have been trying to put myself under deep hypnosis lately and have been failing - either my inner voice is too strong, or I fall asleep.

Now obviously, putting myself under hypnosis probably doesn't sound like a healthy thing to do, but essentially, it's a type of meditation.  I have meditated before by giving my inner voice a mantra, or have done strenuous ashtanga yoga to completely clear my head.  But even then, I don't really know if I've ever been able to silence the voice. 

Lately I've been wondering what it would be like to be able to control my inner voice, to give it a rest when I just want to zone in and create.  I don't know where I get the feeling from, but I suspect that this inner voice that has only grown stronger over the years is what distracts me from my ability to create. 

When I was young, I used to draw endlessly... days would slip by and I would have filled hundreds of pages of drawings - stories in picture form.  Characters, people, places, romances, challenges, rivalries, victories...  I don't think I had an inner voice back then.  And certainly, my inner voice would've been first conceived in those ideas.  Eventually, I started writing a diary - this started in high school when things got really complicated.  So many fragments of my life in miscellaneous journals and word documents.  I'm not really interested in reading them again because it was all a process to develop my voice.

I find myself feeling so bored so I seek visual, audio and mental stimulation.  These stimuli are things that can silence my voice because my voice needs these stimuli to have something to say.  But what if I took in all of this and expressed it not with my inner voice which then becomes vocal opinions shared carelessly at the pub or on the subway.  What if I focused on expressing myself with the other talents I was blessed with?

Just a thought.